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Artículo PG Confessions: People tell us the worst things they have ever done at a funeral Culture

Culture

PG Confessions: People tell us the worst things they have ever done at a funeral

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We asked people to share their darkest funeral stories and confessions

Anna Freeman

25 Enero 2018 15:52

‘My mum passed away a few years back when I was 21. At that point of time, I was fucking this married guy I met at work. I wanted him everyday. So when he asked to meet I told him I couldn’t because my mum had passed. Of course, he came to the funeral. We ended up somewhere secluded in the cemetery and were fucking each other like hungry animals. I’m the worst. It’s my mum’s funeral.’

‘I played the sound when Nintendo’s Mario dies at my grandfather's wake.’

‘My grandmother’s funeral just happened to fall after a huge music festival in my hometown Charlottesville. I turned up after three nights of no sleep and still on LSD and cocaine. Needless to say, it made the whole experience more enjoyable.’

‘I masturbated in the bathroom when I was was like 14 at my dad’s funeral.’

‘I tripped while holding my grandma’s coffin, and the poor old lady fell out and fucked her face up on a headstone.’

‘I didn't know my dad's family. At the cemetery they're all off by themselves while we wait for the hearse with the ashes to show up. I walk over and say, ‘It's now 1:05. My father is late for his own funeral.’ No one said anything. They just moved away slowly.’

‘I always had a crush on my ‘cousin’ - she’s not actually related to me, she’s my uncle’s second wife’s daughter, so no incest here. Anyways, we were at my grandad’s funeral and we were both about 17 at the time. We were secretly drinking alcohol from the free bar as no one was watching, and after a few too many beers I decided to kiss her outside the bathroom of the reception. She dragged me into the toilet and we ended up having wild sex on the toilet seat. Neither of us have mentioned it since.’

‘I was in charge of carrying my aunt’s ashes into the church when I was about 15. It was a windy day; as the curious teen boy I was, I decided to open the urn outside the church, and I would say about 75% of Auntie Caroline’s ashes flew away. I haven’t told anyone to this day: the urn is still on my mom's mantlepiece. Luckily she has never opened it.’

‘When I was about seven my Siamese cat Squiggly died at the ripe old age of 20. I was chosen to be her 'pallbearer'. I picked up her casket (a cardboard box) but I had no idea that dead things are much heavier than when they were alive. I struggled with it for a few steps, but lost my balance. Her corpse fell out and landed on my younger sister’s head. My sister screamed, I cried, and my mom had to help me get her back in the box.’

‘My phone started ringing during the middle of a eulogy. My ringtone was the stabby music from Psycho…’

‘I’m not proud of this. I stole jewellery from my grandparents house during the wake of my grandfather when I was a teenager.’

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