06 Septiembre 2017 14:40
A blood-turdling tale for the 21st CenturyHave you ever had a first date that went so terribly, that you’re sure it was the most horrifying experience anyone has ever gone through? Well, I bet this woman can top it.
An unfortunate woman threw her poo out of her date’s window because it wouldn’t flush, but had to be rescued by emergency services while trying to retrieve it after it got stuck.Bristol student Liam Smith shared the story about his Tinder date gone wrong on a crowdfunding page, and it quickly became a viral tale for the modern age. His date, an amateur gymnast, had potentially set him back £300 for a smashed window, so he asked the public for help. But, let’s start at the beginning, because a story like this only comes around once in a blue moon. Liam recalled all the events on his crowdfunding page, and honestly, it’s one of the best reads of 2017. No one can tell it better than Liam. ‘I recently took a girl I met on tinder to Nandos,’ he wrote, ‘We had a lovely evening, and enjoyed each other’s company very much. ‘After our meal, we repaired back to my house for a bottle of wine and a scientology documentary. About an hour into Louis Theroux and chill, my date got up to use the toilet. She returned with a panicked look in her eye, and told me she had something to tell me. ‘“I went for a poo in your toilet”, she told me “and it would not flush. I don't know why I did this, but I panicked”, she continued “I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window”. ‘I was understandably concerned, and told her we would go outside, bag up the offending poo in the garden, bin it, and pretend the whole sorry affair had never happened. ‘Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, separated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window. It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo. ‘Being an amateur gymnast, she (my date) was convinced that she could reach into the window and pull the poo out, using the tried and tested "inside out bag as glove" technique. Unfortunately she couldn't reach. She climbed further in and had the same problem. Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window. ‘She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came. She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap. ‘Unfortunately for my date, at this stage I could see only one way out of our predicament. She had been upside down in the window for around 15 minutes at this point, and I was starting to grow concerned for her health. I called the fire brigade. ‘Bristol's finest were on scene sirens blaring in a matter of minutes. Once they had composed themselves after surveying the scene in front of them, they set to work removing my date from the window using all of their special firemen hammers and tools. It took them about 15 minutes. ‘Unfortunately, although they rescued my date unharmed from what must have been a rather unpleasant confined space to find yourself in, in the process they had to completely destroy the window with their special fire tools. ‘I'm not complaining, they did what they had to do. Problem is, I've been quoted north of £300 to replace the window. As a postgraduate student, that is a significant chunk of my monthly budget (in fact, that is my monthly budget).’ Liam originally set out to raise £200 for the broken window, and has now been gifted with over £2000 at time of writing, with people still donating. The finds will now be split between two charities. We hope he uses some of the money to take the poo-flinging woman out on another date.